4?!

I circle the number like a wrestler gauging his foe, contemplating it's magnitude.



It has honestly not occured to me to even consider 4 because I've been so focused on my accomplishment. I mean, running 3 miles is major for a non-runner like me.



4?!



Honestly, FastLane! Are you kidding me? You're going to make a runner of me yet!!!

Will This Be The Year?

Will it be this year?

Will this be the year that I accomplish the dreams I hope and wish for daily?

Will this be the year that I "get the lead out" and get things done that I have procrastinated over thus far?

Will we have our financial house in order by the end of this year?

Will there be a difference in me as a person? What spiritual lessons will I learn?

I'm sailing from the harbor. I've charted my course, but I have no idea if storms may blow me off my carefully planned itinerary.

But I'm looking to the horizon as 2009 begins.

Let's go!

Doing a Good Job...What Does That Mean, Anyway?

O.K. What constitutes the definition of "doing a good job"?



Does it mean doing something to the highest level of perfection you can get or simply doing it well enough so it's better than it was?



Being a perfectionist, I always seem to see what was overlooked.



That can be a good thing if your job is quality control, but what if someone cleaned your car (for a reasonable price) but there are a couple of places he missed when cleaning the interior, or someone cleaned your ring for free but you can still see a little gunk in the crevices? How picky is a person "allowed" to be?



Why does it aggravate me so when something isn't done as well as I would do it?



My husband and I go around about this sometimes. He wants me to tell him what he did right before I tell him what's wrong about it. I get that backwards most of the time. But it's teaching me a great lesson. First to be grateful for a person's effort to do something for me so I don't have to do it myself. Second, not to speak impulsively. Third, let things go. Things don't have to be done perfectly to be acceptable.





That's something I need to internalize: things don't have to be done perfectly to be acceptable. Whether it's my employee, my husband, my child or even myself. I'm not talking about an excuse to do things half a**ed. I'm talking about my personal struggle in expecting others to match my perfectionistic expectations and failing because it's an unreasonable standard.



If I conquer that, will I be doing a good job?

Happy Anniversary...to We.

You know?

Being married is an eye-opening experience.

And not just because I was naive and an ingenue.

I've always been of romantic mind. What girl doesn't dream of her prince riding up and sweeping her away and she lives happily ever after with stars in her eyes?

Yes. Well.

That lasted until the next morning when it was pouring down rain and he was wondering if he really could take care of me like he promised and I was worried about him because he was worried.

Reality bites.

We coasted along the first five years learning each other's quirks and preferences. Arguments were polite: "...but sweetie, that's not what I want to do."

The next five years found us a little more comfortable with each other. "Sometimes I don't like you, but I love you..."

The next five years, I thought I might be able to relax a little, I knew him inside and out, I'd grown up a little; now I could settle back and just enjoy being married.

Right?

Wrong.

The rules changed. Fifteen years later, DH lets me know that all these years, he's been elevating me as his queen, and not really saying how he really feels.

He's changed. I've changed.

We aren't the young, naive kids we were. We've grown up, gotten knocked around by life, grown up and matured a bit. Perceptions about a lot of things have shifted.

Now what?

The man I'm married to today isn't as quick to let things "roll off". Frankly, neither am I. I've become much more independent and less of a "clinging vine". He has strong opinions and I can match that strength with the opposite viewpoint.

It was time to scrap what we had.

Next question...walk away? I mean, this was hard. We weren't the same people we had married in the beginning. If life was going to be this full of sparks, flying this often, I wasn't sure I was up to this for another 30 or more years.

But...

I'd promised.

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health...

People break promises everyday.

But I couldn't.

Besides, what kind of friend drops a friend when times are tough and they don't like them or agree with them anymore?

Also, we had experienced one of the biggest miracles that could ever happen to us. We created a child. I feel so strongly that our girl would benefit from both of her parents raising her, that I just couldn't leave--and I didn't want him to leave either.

I would think back over our history. How we met. How in love we were. I longed and prayed for that again. I prayed a lot during the past five years. I couldn't imagine that God would lead me to this man then allow me to be miserable for the rest of my marriage. (Much of the misery is probably due to our own making, I admit)

We've been through a lot. Ups. Downs. Mistakes. Victories. Life.

As I look back over the past 22(!) years we've been married, I'm filled with gratefulness. Gratefulness for a man who is consistent. He knows what he believes and stands by his convictions. He loves me steadily, through good, bad and ugly. He loves me well and although sometimes his love is clumsy, I can trust him. He is a fine man, gallant, courteous, protective.

He is my husband.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

What a nice weekend we had!

We recently met a few new folks at the church we've begun attending and one of the families invited us over for dinner on the 4th. Just plain, unpretentious folks. I enjoyed visiting with them so much.
I love looking at other homes. I like to see the way people use their space, and decorate. I couldn't decide if I wanted to pull it out of the 80's (I did--the wallpaper! the kitchen cabinets!) or just enjoy the "homeyness" of it all. They have cared well for their space and their hospitality was a balm to my soul.
The following evening, we were back again for a church-wide ice cream social.

Oddly enough, although we've lived in this area for about 13 years, we don't really have any close friends here. I have a couple of good friends. Maybe I'm underestimating my friends, but I'm talking about the "hang-out-in-and-out-of-each-others-houses-all-the-time" kind of friends.

It seems easy to start a friendship. You know, the initial hit-it-off goes well. Then there's the "we should have you over" statement; which I really look forward to but rarely materializes. So when we met this couple, I wasn't sure how far this would get off the ground.

I know that I'm one half of the friend equation. Maybe I hold myself apart a little too much. Expecting others to do more than I'm willing to do. Not good.

I always feel a little guilty when people invite us over. I feel like I "owe" them an invite after to keep the playing field even. I really don't enjoy entertaining. Probably because I make too much out of it. Then there's all the stuff that needs to be done around our house. It's not a very welcoming sight right now.

Sigh.

Then I go back to feeling overwhelmed, wondering when all this will get better. (The house, I mean) We did make some progress over the weekend. A baby step, but a step, nevertheless.

Gotta remember this a marathon (maybe a couple of 'em) not a sprint.