The Weekend I Didn't Have

Feeling sluggish this weekend, I was looking forward to sedentary activities. I feel badly (or guilty--pick one) about how little I've been able to devote to the online art class, so I've been really looking forward to my first weekend off in a couple of weeks in order to paint and piddle.

The weather is even appropriate: it's been overcast for a few days now. Yesterday was even rather chilly. I hate leaving the house in weather like that so guess what I did? Went to a soccer game. Now, I am not sports minded IN THE LEAST, but because I birthed a child who now plays soccer (thank you daddy for signing her up), I received the unasked for blessing of attending soccer games on Saturday mornings. Oh joy. Oh delight. Watch me click my heels while gnashing my teeth. Did I mention it was drizzly and cold? I guess it was worth all that misery to watch my girl kick at least one goal. (She said grudgingly.)

Today I had an inner debate going as to whether or not I should skip church. I just felt my weekend had gypped me. I'd had all these plans to chill--paint, read, watch movies--and instead, I felt obligated to do all the stuff I "ought" to do. Like go to the grocery, play hide and seek with my little girl, go to a soccer game, get the tax stuff together, wash clothes and put them away... so by Sunday, I was sick of doing stuff because I "ought" to. Besides, I think church should be something you desire to do because you enjoy it and are blessed by it, not because you feel guilty if you don't go. (Yeah, I'm still working on that.) So I didn't go. But I didn't paint either, which was high on my priority list. I've spent the bulk of my day on the tax stuff, keeping tabs on my girl (which includes hide and seek) and taking far too long to book a hotel room for my hubby who's going to a conference this weekend.

I've really struggled with the juggling. Juggling all the things that make up who I am. All these parts of me demand time. The majority of my time is spent being a wife, mother and business owner. It feels all my time is taken up with those three parts of me and there's little time left to devote to the artist, runner, avid reader and friend who also reside in my body. I guess the most frustrating thing is when I do set aside time for the artist et al, that time is stolen by the other major parts of me. The default parts.

I don't know the answer. That, in itself, frustrates me as a Type A firstborn who is all about solving problems and telling people what they "need" to do. But I'll tell you one thing:

It's enough to make me want to kick a soccer ball into the next county.

Well, I seem to be accomplishing the first goal I set for 2009: to spend the day on the couch relaxing.

Only it's not going exactly as I had originally evisioned it.

I woke up at 3 am feeling as if someone had skewered my eyeballs and was playing "criss-cross applesauce" with ice picks in my skull. I took some Tylenol 3 and laid on the couch awhile dozing fitfully.

I finally went to bed, but upon arising, realizing I hadn't shaken my foe. After a little breakfast and some over the counter headache relief (I hoped), I hit the couch again. There's nothing worse than having to lay around, yet being unable to do anything else like read or watch t.v.. After 8 hours of wrestling, I've gotten it down to practically nothing.

Lemme tell ya. There's nothing better than the relief of no pain after a headache stops hurting.

I am still without my laptop which really sips because I can't do the personal business I want to take care of, I can't find photos I want to share and I always feel like I'm standing in line to use the computer and once I get on, feel I should hurry and get off.

We called the guru guys last week to check on the computer and they informed us that we need a new power cord before they can do anything. "O.K." we said. On Monday we call to see if it's ready and they inform us that they haven't ordered the power cord yet, because we need to pay for it up front.

Grrr.

Why did no one mention that before?!

Factor in the holidays and we are still waiting. Apparently, my first lesson of 2009 is learning patience.

I'm failing miserably.

Awww Man!!!

Well, that just hacks me off.

I have enough trouble with motivation to exercise anyway and this morning, after my success of running 2 miles on Monday, I was ready to do it (or attempt it) again this morning. In the dark. Around my neighborhood.

This is huge for me.

After awakening and deciding not to go to Body Pump because I'm having some issues with one of my shoulders, I vowed to run instead. "I HAVE to exercise this morning", I said.

Then I couldn't find a sports bra.
Anywhere.

I thought of digging one out of the dirty clothes (I really wanted to run) but...no. Can't do it.

ARRRRGGGGHHH!

That's Not in My Job Description...but Wait While I Write it In.

Oh poor me.

Sometimes my job is so demanding and strenuous I just don't know if I can take it.

For instance, this morning, as part of the interview process, I tested the skills of a prospective esthetician by getting a facial.

I lay there contemplating her possible employment but it was kind of hard to focus because I was rather relaxed.

I think I'll need another facial to make up my mind.

I'm telling you...my job is strenuous.