Finding a Full {aka Messy} Life

This morning, in an effort to seek out the sensation of being "fully alive", I walked outside into the brisk cool of a fall morning; not with a warm bowl of oatmeal or piping hot cup of coffee as immunity against the chill, but a frozen glassful of a chocolate/peanut butter protein shake. (I firmly believe in dessert for breakfast.) Not seeking comfort from the cold, I seek it out, wearing shorts, but as a concession to prudence, also a flannel shirt. 

I welcome the tingle of cold air on my skin, bringing all my senses to full alert. Savoring this moment of life, being completely aware of my Self and drinking in the ache of the cold glass in my hand as I embrace this heightened awareness of beauty in pain. 

I feel the sticky ooze of chocolate around my mouth and like a kid, I giggle a little at the thought of running into a neighbor and imagine their thoughts at the sight of a grown (crone) woman wearing the mouth of a child. 

I suddenly realize that I want to more fully wrap myself in this grimy, grubby, unkempt chaos of this life that is mine. 

I recognized this morning with a new clarity that a messy life is a life that is Fully Alive.