Never mind I didn't take those classes to begin with. I delivered her just fine, thank you. Something about my body being naturally equipped to do these things. (As long as "naturally" includes a hefty dose of epidural, I'm all over it.) Except I don't do much of anything naturally. Not even my hair. Especially not my hair.
But they don't tell you --in the hospital, as delivery is imminent--that you will be delivering your child for the rest of life. You will deliver her into the hands of others over and over. Last summer I delivered her into the hands of a preschool staff. With much fear and trembling. And I paid dearly for the privilege. And I continue to write that check every month.
We began the delivery process again last night as we took her to kindergarten registration. There was less hand wringing on my part this time, watching her thrive in preschool has lessened the anxiety in that regard, but my heart filled and threatened to spill out through my eyes as I looked around at the classroom and realized...my girl is growing up. So fast. Kindergarten. Real, unadulterated school. There's no turning back now. No vestige of babiness left. I have a little girl who is blurring the line between little and big at an alarming rate.
I wouldn't change this. Not for the world.
But.
Why am I forced to let go more often than I'm ready?
4 comments:
So beautifully written.... but this is only the beginning!! My daughters are grown up and married now, the one have two children already!! But at the end .... all the let go's are worth it. My biggest present for letting go is my beautiful grandchildren! Keep it up and enjoy every minute with her! Regards L.
And then...before you know it, the boys are calling. Steel your heart, because the giving over keeps happening.
Congrats! I'll have to do the same thing within a month or so...would that I were to do it as gracefully as you have.
One time on the radio I heard someone speak on the importance of all of the "let go's" in life. The person walked through each one she had experienced and the pain and joy she had experienced. Then, they suggested that you ritually enable the final "let go" in a package that you send with them their freshman year in college. The package would include 2 apron strings and a letter about how proud you are of the child and about sucessful s/he was at each of the previous "let go's" and enpowering him or her to take the strings from there.
Love, Wren
I totally understand! I remember when my daughter started 3 year old preschool, she was ready and so was I. It was just 2 days a week, 9-12...I could handle that. She didn't even cry when we left her there. Just threw up her little hand and said "Bye Mom!" My heart broke a little.... Then when she started 4 year old preschool, it was 5 days a week from 9-12. I was ok with that.
But when REAL LIVE KINDERGARTEN started, I freaked. Now it was mandated by law that she be in school I couldn't keep her home because it was cold outside....or because I wanted to go to the mall to see the Easter Bunny or whatever. She had to go. That was the hardest part for me. But she loved every minute of it.
This year she started middle school....nearly and hour bus ride away. That was super hard for me!!! But again, she did GREAT and I know your baby will too!
And no matter what...she will ALWAYS be your baby. No matter what!
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