Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Love and Loss

This has been a hard year for us where cats are concerned.

Last fall, we began putting our cats outside. One of the cats thanked us by promptly leaving. For good. That's always hard because there's no closure. Did the cat go somewhere and die? Get hit by a car? Take up with someone else? I'll never know what happened to my beautiful golden eyed, silver Monaco. But it seems appropriate that, just as she walked into our lives 14 years before, she would walk out as well.

We got Monet as a kitten, and not too long afterwards, were given her half brother, Tiger. Monet was the "alpha" cat, not only bossing around the other cats, but us, as well. A couple of months ago, a pack of three dogs came through my yard and killed my girl.
Last year, a white cat started skulking around and helping himself to my cat's food. He was very skittish and I was torn between chasing him off and trying to tame him. Guess which won out? I put food out for him so he'd leave my cat's food alone and began the slow process of taming him. Turns out he was a huge mushpot who, while he never let me pick him up, sure did love being petted. Earlier this year, he got sick and a couple of days later died of an unknown cause.

Tiger was just happy to be here. Content to sleep and eat, he did nothing to rock the boat, but he sure didn't appreciate anyone rocking his boat. Once he got comfortable (wherever that was) he didn't want to be messed with, thank you. Unless it was time to eat. Again. That's why, last Saturday, I knew something was wrong when he turned up his nose at his breakfast. I immediately took him to the vet. After a week of tests and finding what was NOT wrong, we realized there was nothing more that could be done and made the difficult decision to euthanize him.



So now, we have gone from 4 cats, to 1 in rather short order. God knew exactly what I would need when he had me pluck a "black sock" from the middle of a busy highway a year ago. My little tripod legged Coco is just a year old and full of love, affection and playfulness.


A balm to my grieved heart.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Ride 'Em Cowgirl!

Summer seems to be sweeping me away...

We have been busy with day-to-day things that somehow consume every available moment so that there is no time to blog about potential bloggable moments.

I have a new worry that has developed in the last two days: my oldest cat, Tiger seems to be very sick. I took him to the vet Saturday and he has fluid in his abdomen. Why or where it came from seems to be the big question. Could be anything from an inflamed liver, to a virus called FIP, which is untreatable. He has refused food since Saturday. I lost Tiger's half sister a few months ago to some dogs who attacked her in our yard.

To say my heart is heavy and distracted would be an understatement...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

If Self Loathing Could Be Raised to an Art Form

Discipline.

The word makes me cringe. Only because I lack so much.

Do you ever just step outside yourself and take a good, long look at who you've become. Yeah, I try not to, either.

But today I did.

Frustrated by the many good things I want to do...and don't, mostly because of a lack of discipline.

Writing, painting, running, homemaking, gardening, cooking, knitting...blogging... I have so many interests, yet it seems that all I can accomplish is going to work and spending a few short minutes/hours with the family in the evening.

If I do find time to devote to my pursuits, I find myself meandering around getting ready to do it until I actually run out of time to do it.

I look at men and women who lived 40-60 years ago and didn't have the advantages or shortcuts I have today, yet they accomplished so much. (Maybe because, many of my advantages have turned into more distraction than anything...)

I envy those who are driven by their creativity.Those who create almost compulsively. I have just enough creativity to make me crazy. I want to create, then, if I have opportunity, I sit like a lump wondering what to do and where to start. If I happen to have an original, creative thought, it usually arrives at the most inopportune time. Like when I'm in the middle of working.

You want to know when I find myself the most motivated?
When I either get disgusted enough, or guilty enough with myself. "Ooooh, haven't been running or exercised in 3 days! Aaaand you're not eating well! You're thickening up there! Better move it!" *Cue guilty panic.*

"Just do it." Says the now cliche advertising tag line.

Some days, that's easier said than done.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Monday, June 7, 2010

Proof that I Paint...at it.

Wow. You can tell school's out around here...I actually have time to do blog posts in the morning! Everyone is still in bed and I have some quiet time to myself.

I've been meaning to share this for awhile...well, you know how that goes...

This is a painting that I'm working on. Truthfully, I haven't worked on it in weeks. Haven't touched any paint in weeks. *sigh*


It's just some fun doodling. No real plan to get here or wherever else it's going.

Serendipity painting...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Quality Time...with Me

Sunday afternoon...

A thoughtful husband who insisted I rested. He also made sure everyone else was resting so the house was quiet for awhile...

Time on the computer... it's not the Apple of my eye, but it works. (So far...)

A hot summer day at the computer just cries out for an icy glass of Coke. The Real Thing.

A Coke and a Blog.

I think there's a new SuperBowl ad there somewhere...