I love my husband with all of my heart but he aggravates the stew out of me sometimes.
Sometimes I think (ungraciously) that life might be a tiny bit easier if he weren't part of the equation. Then God slaps me around and rescrambles my brains.
This weekend God is giving me a taste of what life would be like if hubby were not here. Hubby is at a conference so, this weekend, if it is to be, it is up to me.
Hubby is our primary child caregiver. Our little girl goes to preschool until noon every school day and hubby faithfully picks her up (while I am at work giving it nary a thought). Suddenly, I had to figure out and arrange who would care for her while I was working.
I (usually) go to the gym for an early morning workout. Hubby is home with my girl and I just get up and go. Friday morning, same scenario: I go to the salon for some early morning bookwork because hubby makes that possible.
Not to mention hubby makes it possible for our daughter to participate in extracurricular activities like soccer and gymnastics. He's there to ferry her from place to place.
On a more personal note, I pride myself in being a rather capable woman. I try to be creative, rescourceful and have a "can-do" attitude. But I have to confess to you that closing up the house at night is intimidating. Feeling the weight of responsibility for the safety of my family is a bit frightening.
I realized several things.
My husband makes me feel safe, protected and cared for. By caring for our daughter so thoroughly, he cares for me.
He's dependable. I never worry or wonder if he'll remember to pick up our girl.
I also realized that he works in his sleep. The fact that I can leave the house in the early morning hours while they are both asleep in bed is a blessing I've taken for granted. No more.
Instead of stew, I'm over here eating humble pie.