The Weekend I Didn't Have

Feeling sluggish this weekend, I was looking forward to sedentary activities. I feel badly (or guilty--pick one) about how little I've been able to devote to the online art class, so I've been really looking forward to my first weekend off in a couple of weeks in order to paint and piddle.

The weather is even appropriate: it's been overcast for a few days now. Yesterday was even rather chilly. I hate leaving the house in weather like that so guess what I did? Went to a soccer game. Now, I am not sports minded IN THE LEAST, but because I birthed a child who now plays soccer (thank you daddy for signing her up), I received the unasked for blessing of attending soccer games on Saturday mornings. Oh joy. Oh delight. Watch me click my heels while gnashing my teeth. Did I mention it was drizzly and cold? I guess it was worth all that misery to watch my girl kick at least one goal. (She said grudgingly.)

Today I had an inner debate going as to whether or not I should skip church. I just felt my weekend had gypped me. I'd had all these plans to chill--paint, read, watch movies--and instead, I felt obligated to do all the stuff I "ought" to do. Like go to the grocery, play hide and seek with my little girl, go to a soccer game, get the tax stuff together, wash clothes and put them away... so by Sunday, I was sick of doing stuff because I "ought" to. Besides, I think church should be something you desire to do because you enjoy it and are blessed by it, not because you feel guilty if you don't go. (Yeah, I'm still working on that.) So I didn't go. But I didn't paint either, which was high on my priority list. I've spent the bulk of my day on the tax stuff, keeping tabs on my girl (which includes hide and seek) and taking far too long to book a hotel room for my hubby who's going to a conference this weekend.

I've really struggled with the juggling. Juggling all the things that make up who I am. All these parts of me demand time. The majority of my time is spent being a wife, mother and business owner. It feels all my time is taken up with those three parts of me and there's little time left to devote to the artist, runner, avid reader and friend who also reside in my body. I guess the most frustrating thing is when I do set aside time for the artist et al, that time is stolen by the other major parts of me. The default parts.

I don't know the answer. That, in itself, frustrates me as a Type A firstborn who is all about solving problems and telling people what they "need" to do. But I'll tell you one thing:

It's enough to make me want to kick a soccer ball into the next county.