How to Live a Day and a Half in the Span of a Morning....

Tuesday was a testament to how crazy I become without getting my internet fix.

That's the only explanation I can come up with to explain the events that took place that fateful morning.

After my pitiful post, I began the morning routine of getting myself ready for work and trying to encourage our girl to "move it, move it". Because it is unseasonably warm right now, I chose a short sleeved dress for her wearing pleasure.

She didn't want to wear that dress.

Because of the fabulous fit she threw she lost the privilege of making the choice herself. We moved on to socks.

Couldn't find any.

The dryer keeps cutting off and I suspect it has a backlog of lint that needs to be dealt with. Hubby hasn't gotten to that yet. Laundry is piling up. Finally found a pair of socks for her and BONUS! --they matched her outfit.

But alas, the socks were the straw that broke the camel's back and I was on the verge of tears. I was running late and everything seemed to be working against me. My hysterics were escalating as I looked at the clock and hubby's technique to calm me down wasn't working.

I just felt completely overwhelmed.

Worse, in an effort to hurry up my girl a little more, I urged her to run through the house and out the door to the car. In her effort to navigate the hall, dodging dirty clothes piles, she hit her hand on the door frame.

I can honestly tell you that it hurt me more than it hurt her.

I grabbed her up and held her close as I carried her to the car, apologizing profusely and realizing that my effort to control my world and frustration with my failure in doing so was hurting my family.

But wait. There's more. Unbelievable, I know.

I'm still frantic because I'm running late to get my girl to school and meet my first appointment of the day. As I'm driving down the street that parallels my girl's school, I glance across the parking lot and see that the carport area where parents drop off children is blessedly empty. Thank goodness for small favors. However, by the time I round the corner to pull in, there are no less than 4 cars in line.

I was too surprised to cuss, but it would have been so appropriate at this point.

I pull into the parking lot beside the school and think it will be faster to walk her to class myself rather than sit in line (which moves quickly, but...), I look at the line and the teachers efficiently pulling children from cars and decide that the line would be faster after all. But now, I have to wait for someone to let me cut in front of them to get in line myself. So, because my brain has stopped functioning at this point, I changed my mind (again) and decided to park after all. I put the car in reverse looking at my side mirror and seeing nothing, I begin rolling backwards.

BAM!

Yes I did. I backed into someone.

I got out and beheld one of God's greatest gift to my morning. Hope.

Actually, that's her name.

And--she's one of my clients. Which could have been a terrible thing, considering that I was so embarrassed and at my wit's end that I wanted to crawl under my car and have someone just drive over me at that point and put me out of my misery, but I digress...

Hope and I looked at our bumpers (which were blemish free) and she hugged me laughing about how she was on the phone and her horn wouldn't work. All the time joking with another parent who had witnessed the whole thing. Then she said she needed an appointment for a hair cut.

Finally, (!) I got my girl to school (leaving her escort to her class to the professionals).

I pulled into a parking lot and shed a few tears and prayed thanking God for keeping me safe when I go nuts and asking for the grace it takes to be me.

Later, I found out that the car I thought I would get, fell through when the seller changed his mind about selling it.

Can I just tell you that this was a day I'd just as soon not repeat?

The end. Thank God.

Plenty of Nothing

Why is it I have plenty to say and nothing to type?

I have thoughts rattling around in my head like that little ball on the brick breaker game on my phone. But I can't seem to lasso any of them into a cohesive sentence of any substance.

I'm enjoying the quiet of the morning but that won't last too much longer. I have to get my girl up and ready for school. I can't seem to type for stopping to warm my hands on my coffee cup. And taking a swig.

I'm trying to immerse myself into the spirit of the season. For me, that means a quiet spirit in the face of frantic activity. I've been enjoying the Christmas music. Especially the standard carols and the Messiah. Can't wait to pull out the album. Yes the round black one that goes on the record player. With all the scratches on it, it sounds like Christmas by the fireside. It's awesome.

We've pulled all the Christmas paraphernalia down from the attic. It seriously needs to be reorganized. I'm trying to refrain. It makes more sense to organize it after I pull it off the tree and put it away again. But I so want to organize it and then put it up. Crazy.

What I want to do is stay home and lay on the couch all day and watch movies or read. All of us are coughing. We sound like a bunch of seals barking. My girl started it, bless her. There's not a whole lot to do for it. Maybe a little cough medicine here and there. Fortunately, we don't seem to feel too badly. Just a little pitiful.

Oh look. It was the reverse.

I had plenty to type and nothing to say.

Happiness...Don't Buy into it.

So I'm sitting here, minding my own business, listening to internet radio while weaving tails into my (finally) finished scarves, (more about those later...maybe.) when I hear a commercial for Wal-Mart.
A woman's well modulated voice filters over the air waves... "Making them happy..." a young girl's voice pipes up saying, "oh, I love it!", and the woman finishes with "...that's what I want for Christmas."

I am disturbed by the innuendo that you can buy a child's happiness with a Christmas present.

Hold on a minute while I drag my soapbox over here. You might want to get comfortable...

Now before I go off on a tear here, may I interject that I am NOT anti-gift giving. By no means. I love Christmas. I love the anticipation of what special gifts Christmas may bring.

It just makes me so crazy that there are people out there who still think that giving kids (and not just kids) lots of presents for Christmas will make for a meaningful Christmas! They think that they need lots of stuff to open on Christmas and/or spend a boatload of money on one "big" gift.

And the incredible thing is, they set themselves up for it every year by beginning the season with the age old question..." What do you want for Christmas?" Which, in my mind, teaches our children to think: "how much can we milk our parents and grandparents for this year?"

It has occurred to me as I look at our present economic situation that in our attempt to create our own happiness, we have created our misery. Because that "gimme" attitude is not limited to Christmas. And it's not limited to children.

We are selfish, self-centered creatures. Funny how that's not a behavior that has to be taught.

I wonder what would happen if we spent one Christmas not thinking about what we would get, but what we would give?

There are several ways to practice the discipline of thinking of others by giving to others. There's Operation Christmas Child, Angel Tree, and Toys for Tots to name a very few.

How about starting in your own home? Get children involved in picking out other family member's gifts. Have them make something of their own creation for grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins. (Not to mention mom and dad.)

Why not nurture your own creativity and resourcefulness? What could you make or do for someone that would be more meaningful than a mass produced gift that you're hoping they like?

Who knows?

You might actually find some happiness along the way...

This Is The Official HippyChick Summer Newsletter

Well, it's the 4th of July weekend.

I try to remember it as Independence Day to remind myself of the reason for the holiday, but for some reason, "4th of July" is way easier to say. Nevertheless, my patriotic heart continues to beat.

We have had no plans to do much of anything this weekend. How is that different from any other weekend, I'd like to know?!

Yesterday, for the first time in I don't know when, I actually had a Friday off. I didn't even drive by the salon! I did all the bookwork Thursday evening after work and was done in an hour! I dropped the deposit in the night slot and Friday was truly mine!

I celebrated my luxurious day off by sending the family on a picnic to the park, looking around at the house and bursting into tears. Every where I look there is so much to do, I don't even know where to start. It feels I shuffle stuff from one place to another, never exactly dealing with it. Of course, several projects would get done a lot faster if they had the benefit of some money behind them. But, thanks to the IRS, the dentist and the accountant, that won't be available for awhile.

SIGH.

BUT. I can take baby steps, cleaning and tossing to my heart's content which will keep me busy until then. I'm positive of that.

You know? The benefit (for me) of the poor economy right now is the fact that it is really forcing me to simplify my life. Up till now, I've been looking at simplifying as a novel idea--a new hobby, if you will. A "let me try this and see if I can make it work" kind of thing. Now, it is becoming much more of a necessity. Especially with a few extra (if temporary) bills to pay.

Business is down a little. I can't tell if it's from the summer season, or the economy. I have had a couple of people stretch their appointment time further. Especially those who drive a ways to see me. Then, there are those who swear they would go without food before giving up getting their hair done. I'd personally rather cut my own hair, cuz this girl's gonna eat.

Although I'm working full time, I'm having a lovely summer. I've been reading up a storm. Lot's of light stuff along with more serious reading. I've been spending more time with the family. Hubby and I have seemed to turn a corner in our relationship and I think a lot of the changing has been in me. I've been learning to trust his heart. I listen. I've spent so much time not listening because I was too busy disagreeing in my head to whatever was coming out of his mouth.

Our girl is surprising me every day with her abilities. She's been to gymnastics camp all day for a week. I was afraid it would be too much for her and that she would be tired and irritable, but she is very resilient. We are still coaxing and coaching her in the potty training area, and if I don't scream and pull my hair out...

I'll call it a successful summer.

Life, Gurgle, Gurgle

Overwhelmed.


You name it, it's overwhelming me.



I realize that I'm just going through feelings of inadequacy right now and I need to recognize them for what they are: changeable as the wind-- feelings.

Sometimes it feels the world is going to fly apart in a million pieces.

O.K. My world is already in a million pieces. A world where carpets are half torn out, cats are throwing up, toddlers are rebelling and husbands are as stubborn and strong minded as I am. But somehow, I juggle it and keep it all aloft. I'm successful at many things, but when I'm on the inside looking out, I feel it's all a mirage; a carefully crafted scene for the world (who is on the outside looking in) to see.

I wonder if a lot of people are that way; creating mirages so others think everything is hunky-dory. I especially wonder that on days when I want someone else's life. "They" obviously have it together. Bills paid, house organized, marriage blissful (always)... I create perfect little life scenes for them to escape my imperfections.

When I grow overwhelmed, my facade crumbles. I drive to work sitting up very straight as if by holding myself so, I can hold my world together. I overcompensate my loss of control (of things I have no control over in the first place) by becoming bossy and in charge in tiny things that don't really matter. I'm this way at work mostly, where: "I say who, I say when, I say how much."

I hate when I get like this. I, the eternal optimist. The one with the can-do philosophy. I think (truth be told) the reason I get so out of sorts when life piles up on top of me, is the fact that there is no quick fix. And I'm a fixer par excellence'. I love fixing whether it's a bad haircut, a leaky faucet or your life. I'm a fixer.

Fortunately, after a couple of days, my vision shifts again, I get a second wind and I find myself breathing more normally and realizing it will even out...eventually.

Horns Blow, Confetti is Thrown

It's my 100th post today!

Hurray!!