There's something you should know about me.
I'm an artist. Or, at the very least, I have an artist's heart if not an artist's temperament.
I'm also married to an artist.
I try to have a terrific attitude of casualness about many things which I find helps me carefully consider what things I think are truly important. It helps me not get tied up in knots about "little" things. ("Little things", being subjective to each individual, of course.)
There's a flamboyant sense of "anything goes" in my decorating. I'm drawn to brightly colored paint and whimsical designs, the result being playful and fun. (Or some one's idea of a violently colored nightmare.)
The consequence of this freewheeling existence is a lack of order in my world. Ironically, as a firstborn, I like things orderly. But as a working wife/mother/artist/friend, there is usually only time to spare to do the urgent. (i.e. wash clothes, do dishes, clean bathrooms, etc.) Yes, the stay-at-home dad/husband helps with these things, but there's always SOMETHING crying out for attention. A fire to be put out. In my ideal world (where I live in my imagination) I would have time to work on creative endeavors which include, but are not limited to,: writing, painting, sewing, knitting, gardening, decorating, doing mosaics, renovating, playing with my 4 year old, cooking, serving, long meaningful conversations with my husband , reading, watching movies, visiting museums, travelling, & taking photographs. Looking at this list, I have no time for the mundane!
Fortunately, my job is of the artistic type, or I think I should die a slow, painful death of spirit.
There are spots of frenzied activity, when, after things have been piled here and there for so long, we (or one of us), in a fit of exasperation or desperation -or both- begins to shuffle things around, sorting and re stacking but never quite effectively enough to become " the New World Order".
Couple this malady with a myriad of unfinished projects (together with the no-yet-started projects) and you have a perennially frustrated firstborn.
I vacillate between a cheerleader's enthusiastic optimism (We can do this! Yes we can!) and a world weary pessimism (Who the hell cares? It'll just get dirty and/or messed up again.)
Is there a happy medium in all this? Does it really matter? Is this one of the "little things" I'm fretting over despite my determination otherwise? Is it another example of my see-sawing artistic temperament? I want to enjoy the freedom that comes through artistic expressions, but am I duping myself into believing in something that doesn't exist for me?
Or am I fodder for a psychology lab?
4 comments:
I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I don't! :)
While I'm not artistic in the total sense of the word, I understand some for two reasons, one writing is my outlet and when I start working on something, it consumes me. And my middle daughter is artistic more in the traditional sense, so her room is exciting I guess you could say!
Thanks for dropping by and bringing a smile to my face on a day I have been lazy (napping) and cleaning out the flu bug, I hope!
Jen
"Hello, Fodder! Hello, Mudder! It's nice here,...at Camp Granada!..." :}
The happy medium would probably say, "A Hahahahaha Heeheeheehee,...my deary!" :}
I feel your pane,...or is that just another job for us to do? :}
You're so Beautiful! ILY! (Psst! Don't tell hubby!) :}
Sometimes we get to the point where we either make changes or accept ourselves the way we are. It is hard to know sometimes which way we should go.
I totally understand how you feel. I work my butt off, all hours of the day, come home, clean the kitchen, vaccum, because I have three stinky but much loved dogs, do laundry, which is an everyday thing, clean the bathroom, and then hope I have time to blog, write, read, or just sit down with a cup of hot tea. Thank god my boyfriend cooks, after several fires in the kitchen due to my extrodinary cooking skills, he decided to take that one on.
I'm a first born too. My mom is really into the birth order thing. But I think we was organization, control, and a warm, happy, CLEAN, home. Well at least I do. I think their is a balance for each person, sometimes I find mine, and then sometimes I lose it and go temporarly nuts. My dream is to hire a maid, then I would have time for everything!!
P.S.
I was in Statesboro last week. My company has another office up there. I like it alot up there, I'm a country girl at heart, but I can understand getting bored everyonce in awhile. What salon do you work at? Are you from Statesboro?
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