Sunday, March 9, 2008

Introspection

There's something you should know about me.

I'm an artist. Or, at the very least, I have an artist's heart if not an artist's temperament.
I'm also married to an artist.

I try to have a terrific attitude of casualness about many things which I find helps me carefully consider what things I think are truly important. It helps me not get tied up in knots about "little" things. ("Little things", being subjective to each individual, of course.)
There's a flamboyant sense of "anything goes" in my decorating. I'm drawn to brightly colored paint and whimsical designs, the result being playful and fun. (Or some one's idea of a violently colored nightmare.)

The consequence of this freewheeling existence is a lack of order in my world. Ironically, as a firstborn, I like things orderly. But as a working wife/mother/artist/friend, there is usually only time to spare to do the urgent. (i.e. wash clothes, do dishes, clean bathrooms, etc.) Yes, the stay-at-home dad/husband helps with these things, but there's always SOMETHING crying out for attention. A fire to be put out. In my ideal world (where I live in my imagination) I would have time to work on creative endeavors which include, but are not limited to,: writing, painting, sewing, knitting, gardening, decorating, doing mosaics, renovating, playing with my 4 year old, cooking, serving, long meaningful conversations with my husband , reading, watching movies, visiting museums, travelling, & taking photographs. Looking at this list, I have no time for the mundane!

Fortunately, my job is of the artistic type, or I think I should die a slow, painful death of spirit.

There are spots of frenzied activity, when, after things have been piled here and there for so long, we (or one of us), in a fit of exasperation or desperation -or both- begins to shuffle things around, sorting and re stacking but never quite effectively enough to become " the New World Order".

Couple this malady with a myriad of unfinished projects (together with the no-yet-started projects) and you have a perennially frustrated firstborn.

I vacillate between a cheerleader's enthusiastic optimism (We can do this! Yes we can!) and a world weary pessimism (Who the hell cares? It'll just get dirty and/or messed up again.)

Is there a happy medium in all this? Does it really matter? Is this one of the "little things" I'm fretting over despite my determination otherwise? Is it another example of my see-sawing artistic temperament? I want to enjoy the freedom that comes through artistic expressions, but am I duping myself into believing in something that doesn't exist for me?

Or am I fodder for a psychology lab?

4 comments:

Jenny said...

I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I don't! :)

While I'm not artistic in the total sense of the word, I understand some for two reasons, one writing is my outlet and when I start working on something, it consumes me. And my middle daughter is artistic more in the traditional sense, so her room is exciting I guess you could say!

Thanks for dropping by and bringing a smile to my face on a day I have been lazy (napping) and cleaning out the flu bug, I hope!

Jen

Jay O'Toole said...

"Hello, Fodder! Hello, Mudder! It's nice here,...at Camp Granada!..." :}

The happy medium would probably say, "A Hahahahaha Heeheeheehee,...my deary!" :}

I feel your pane,...or is that just another job for us to do? :}

You're so Beautiful! ILY! (Psst! Don't tell hubby!) :}

InTheFastLane said...

Sometimes we get to the point where we either make changes or accept ourselves the way we are. It is hard to know sometimes which way we should go.

Lady Em said...

I totally understand how you feel. I work my butt off, all hours of the day, come home, clean the kitchen, vaccum, because I have three stinky but much loved dogs, do laundry, which is an everyday thing, clean the bathroom, and then hope I have time to blog, write, read, or just sit down with a cup of hot tea. Thank god my boyfriend cooks, after several fires in the kitchen due to my extrodinary cooking skills, he decided to take that one on.
I'm a first born too. My mom is really into the birth order thing. But I think we was organization, control, and a warm, happy, CLEAN, home. Well at least I do. I think their is a balance for each person, sometimes I find mine, and then sometimes I lose it and go temporarly nuts. My dream is to hire a maid, then I would have time for everything!!
P.S.
I was in Statesboro last week. My company has another office up there. I like it alot up there, I'm a country girl at heart, but I can understand getting bored everyonce in awhile. What salon do you work at? Are you from Statesboro?